Where Did the Years Go?
When
your house is filled with infants and toddlers and all that comes with them, it
seems like you’ll never be done with dirty diapers and sticky walls and
sleepless nights. Older parents with clean quiet houses whose kids are grown
and out on their own tell you to enjoy every minute because the time will go by
so fast, and you think “Yeah, right.”
Then
all the sudden your oldest is putting on his Angry Birds backpack and heading
out the door to Kindergarten. How did that happen? He was just a baby and then
you turn around and he’s going to school? But you don’t really have time to
think about that because there are still diapers to change and forts to build
and tea parties to prepare at home with his younger siblings.
Your
days and weeks and years begin filling up with homework and sleepovers and
class field trips. Birthday parties and soccer practices. Then come the summer
camps and band fundraisers. And before you know it you’re riding shotgun in the
car, gripping the door handle and biting your lip so you won’t say something
stupid, while your baby is learning
to drive. And as you’re frantically watching the road, you stop and think “How
did this happen?!! Where did all those years go?!”
The
day your oldest child comes home from high school and starts talking about
colleges they want to visit, it finally hits you. Those old people were right!
The years went by so fast. Too fast. And now you’re just a year or two away
from having your child head out into the world on their own. One day soon
they’ll pack up their stuff and go away to college or move into an apartment,
and the days of having your family and your home as the center of their lives
will be over.
So
then you begin wondering if you’ve done enough to prepare them for life on
their own. Did you do a good job of this whole parenting thing? What was God
thinking to give you the responsibility for these kids anyway?!
If
you’re still back in the middle of the crazy, busy years of raising your
children, one of the best things you can do now to help make sure your kids are
as ready as possible to head out on their own when that day comes is to give them a sense of belonging.
Any
basic Psych class will tell you that one of our primary needs as human beings
is to have a sense of belonging. We need to know that we mean something to
someone. That there are people who care about us. That we belong
somewhere. And simply sharing the same
last name and living in the same house won’t automatically make that happen.
You need to find ways to make sure your kids know you are all a team, unique
from everyone else in the world, who love each other and are committed to each
other for life.
One
of the best ways you can do that is to make sure there are a lot of things you
as a family “always do.” Things that become family traditions because you do
them over and over. Weekly Family Nights or summer camping trips or
neighborhood water fights on the Fourth of July. Making the same Christmas
cookies every year or building forts under umbrellas on the front porch on
rainy days. It doesn’t matter how serious or silly they are. Just do them! And
the more the better.
Each
one will help bind your family together and create a strong sense of belonging - a museum of memories - which will give your children a huge advantage when they head out into the
world on their own. They will have the security of knowing they are loved and
that their family will always be an important part of their lives.
Eighteen
years. We only get them for eighteen years! And those years go by so fast. Then
they head out into the world and their lives will center around other people
and other places for the next 60+ years! If that thought freaks you out, take a
deep breath and relax. God knew what He was doing when He put your kids into
your family. He knows you. He knows them. So simply do your best to make the
most of those eighteen years.
