Blind Spots

I’m usually a very organized, perceptive person. I can see the big picture and also details. But there was one very trivial event in my past that comes to mind every now and then to remind me that we all have blind spots. Things we just don’t see until something comes along that opens our eyes, and then we find it hard to believe that we didn’t see it before.

Ten years ago God moved us from Southern California to Phoenix. When we got there we found a great house and bought it. Selling a house in California and moving to Phoenix is easy. The reverse… not so much. Our house in the desert was even on a golf course since I needed to see grass.

A year after we moved into that new house I discovered that there was another drawer in the kitchen that I had never seen before. A whole year!! I don’t know what led me to pull it open, but when I did, there was a big drawer with nothing in it. And for most of us, finding extra space in our kitchens is priceless. I still can’t figure out how I went a whole year without noticing that empty drawer was there just waiting to be used.

Now in my defense, the kitchen had one of those stove tops that was not above and connected to the oven. It was simply set into the kitchen counter above some cupboards. So the part of the cabinet directly under the stove top looked like one of those fake things they put in front of sinks since there isn’t room for a drawer there. But in this kitchen… there was a drawer there under the stove top!

It’s been ten years since I found that empty drawer. And even now, whenever I find myself thinking that I have something all figured out – that I’ve got all the answers – I remember that drawer. Even though it was a silly insignificant thing, it reminds me that we all have blind spots - things that are totally off our radar until all the sudden we see them, and we wonder how in the world we didn’t see them before.

It reminds me that I need to always be open to growing and learning. And I need to constantly be asking God to help me see what’s true and what’s not. What’s really important and what’s not. Because blind spots happen to all of us. We just don’t know what they are until something comes along that opens our eyes. And it happens with more important things than just an extra kitchen drawer.

So Much to Do, So Little Time

Are you in that wonderful exhausting phase of life when it seems like you’re spending all of your time changing diapers and tying shoes and practicing spelling words and making pb&j sandwiches shaped like dinosaurs & cute little hearts? When Dave & I were there, we heard a song that helped us see past the crazy and reminded us of what was really important. It was written by Paul & Teri Reisser and it’s called “Take the Time.” If necessary, lock yourself in the bathroom for a couple minutes so you can read it!

It’s 9:15 and bedtime took too long once again.

Another kiss, another glass of water, and then

the questions come, the hands hold tight, the eyes are open wide,

and something in me whispers, “Now’s the time.”

“Mommy, why did Muffy die?”

“Daddy, where’s the sun?”

“Are there cats in heaven?”

And, “Why did Jesus come?”

And though a whole day’s dishes wait, and the bills are piled high,

something in me whispers, “Take the time.”

Riding off to Narmia upon a lion’s back,

Chubby fingers close the book and add it to the stack.

“Aslan didn’t kill the witch – Oh dad, why did he die?”

And something in me whispers, “Now’s the time.”

The baseball game’s tomorrow, but so is my interview.

How can I play Scrabble when the income tax is due?

Little faces plead with me to put my work aside,

And something in me whispers, “Take the time.”

Take the time while their minds are open wide.

Take the time while they’re right here by your side.

Teach them now to love the Lord with all their heart and mind.

They’re only home a season – take the time.

Where Did the Years Go?

When your house is filled with infants and toddlers and all that comes with them, it seems like you’ll never be done with dirty diapers and sticky walls and sleepless nights. Older parents with clean quiet houses whose kids are grown and out on their own tell you to enjoy every minute because the time will go by so fast, and you think “Yeah, right.”

Then all the sudden your oldest is putting on his Angry Birds backpack and heading out the door to Kindergarten. How did that happen? He was just a baby and then you turn around and he’s going to school? But you don’t really have time to think about that because there are still diapers to change and forts to build and tea parties to prepare at home with his younger siblings.

Your days and weeks and years begin filling up with homework and sleepovers and class field trips. Birthday parties and soccer practices. Then come the summer camps and band fundraisers. And before you know it you’re riding shotgun in the car, gripping the door handle and biting your lip so you won’t say something stupid, while your baby is learning to drive. And as you’re frantically watching the road, you stop and think “How did this happen?!! Where did all those years go?!”

The day your oldest child comes home from high school and starts talking about colleges they want to visit, it finally hits you. Those old people were right! The years went by so fast. Too fast. And now you’re just a year or two away from having your child head out into the world on their own. One day soon they’ll pack up their stuff and go away to college or move into an apartment, and the days of having your family and your home as the center of their lives will be over.

So then you begin wondering if you’ve done enough to prepare them for life on their own. Did you do a good job of this whole parenting thing? What was God thinking to give you the responsibility for these kids anyway?!

If you’re still back in the middle of the crazy, busy years of raising your children, one of the best things you can do now to help make sure your kids are as ready as possible to head out on their own when that day comes is to give them a sense of belonging.

Any basic Psych class will tell you that one of our primary needs as human beings is to have a sense of belonging. We need to know that we mean something to someone. That there are people who care about us. That we belong somewhere.  And simply sharing the same last name and living in the same house won’t automatically make that happen. You need to find ways to make sure your kids know you are all a team, unique from everyone else in the world, who love each other and are committed to each other for life.

One of the best ways you can do that is to make sure there are a lot of things you as a family “always do.” Things that become family traditions because you do them over and over. Weekly Family Nights or summer camping trips or neighborhood water fights on the Fourth of July. Making the same Christmas cookies every year or building forts under umbrellas on the front porch on rainy days. It doesn’t matter how serious or silly they are. Just do them! And the more the better.

Each one will help bind your family together and create a strong sense of belonging - a museum of memories - which will give your children a huge advantage when they head out into the world on their own. They will have the security of knowing they are loved and that their family will always be an important part of their lives.

Eighteen years. We only get them for eighteen years! And those years go by so fast. Then they head out into the world and their lives will center around other people and other places for the next 60+ years! If that thought freaks you out, take a deep breath and relax. God knew what He was doing when He put your kids into your family. He knows you. He knows them. So simply do your best to make the most of those eighteen years.

Looking Beyond Today

Yesterday I went to see the movie
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 
at an artsy theater in Palo Alto.

Dave was spending the day up in the city at the US Open Golf Tournament. 

I had just dropped Katie off at the San Francisco airport.

(Is there a nickname for that airport? Like LAX... but different letters?

Do people call it SFO? hmmm I don't think I've ever heard anyone call it that.) 

I had been wanting to see the movie
and since it was on the way home from the airport
I decided to just go do it. So I did.
On a Thursday afternoon it was me
and six or seven other people in the theater.
I was the youngest person there.

The movie was really sweet and fun to watch,

though Dave might have taken a bit of a nap
if he had gone with me.

And it was fun watching the ensemble of older,
incredibly talented actors
 like Judi Dench and Maggie Smith.

                                They were awesome.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the movie,

it's about a 20-something guy (Sonny) in India whose family owns an old hotel

that is very run down and hasn't been open for a while.

He tries to open it as a residence for retired people.

So a random group of older folk all end up meeting and living there together.

Sonny's the type of person that puts a positive spin on everything.

No matter what is actually happening or what people are actually seeing,

he tries to convince them to see beyond the present.

Throughout the movie we hear him telling them (with a cool Indian accent),

 "Everything will be all right in the end. And if it is not all right, then it is not the end."

I love that! And as I walked out of the theater I realized

that it's a really good paraphrase of Romans 8:28.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good

to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

That was a great reminder to me.

When something is going on in my life that I don't like so much,

something that I really really wish was different...
whether it's a small thing or a really big thing,

I need to remember that verse. I need to remember that God is in control.

And that this isn't the end of the story yet. I need to remember...

Everything will be all right in the end. And if it isn't all right, then it's not the end.

Heart Capacity

Do you know that feeling when you're almost overwhelmed by

how much you love someone or something?

When you feel so incredibly lucky... blessed ...

that you feel like your heart could burst?

It's often brought on by a person.

But it can even happen when you're looking out at

an incredibly gorgeous sunset over the ocean.

Or when you're hiking up in the mountains and it's so beautiful and magical

that you're pretty sure any minute you might meet up with

one of the elves from Middle Earth. :)

I get that feeling even more often now that I have grand kids.

I know I loved my own kids a lot when they were little

(and I still love them now!)

but there's just something about grand kids.

When I see them

or hold them

or even just see a picture of them

I honestly feel like my heart could burst!

I think when you're a parent

you're responsible for so many things related to your kids

well, everything actually

so there are a lot of other feelings mixed in with that incredible love.

But when you're a grand parent

you just get to love on 'em.

So these are my three incredible grand kids

that regularly expand my heart

close to its bursting point.

This is Camden.

I especially love him.

 

This is Andersen.

I especially love him.

And this is Kayley

our newest little Gudgel.

I especially love her.