My Thoughts About Things That I'm Learning From Others

I'm going to start adding a new kind of post to my collection. Instead of just my random thoughts about things, I'm also going to post things I've heard others say that God has used to make me think; to stretch my heart and mind; to continue to grow me up. Because... whenever I hear things like that, I really want to share it with others. So I often mention what "they" said, to some family members or friends. But I think posting things here will be a good way for me to pass along some of the things God is teaching me through the teaching of others. So if you're interested, read on! If not, no worries. There are a lot of other things to read out there on the internets.

So... my first offering of "Awesome Things I've Learned From Others" is from Isaac Bennet's message from last Sunday. He was talking about what it means to be A LIVING SACRIFICE. He was teaching out of Romans 12. He said...

It's one thing to die as a martyr. It's another thing to live as a martyr; as a living sacrifice. And that's what God has called us (His followers) to do.

• Jesus said...“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.  Matthew 16:24-25
• Paul said... Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Romans 12:1

If you are truly a follower of Jesus, your life is now about Him, not you. 

As a living sacrifice, we bring a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving before God...

• With a surrendered will - conformed to His ways, and not conformed to the world.
• By loving others without hypocrisy - don't just say you love others, but actually live a life of love toward others with your heart and hands. Put them before yourself.
• By hating evil things - turning away from all sin. Not just the ugly, evil looking sins, but also the ones that satan (or our own mind) makes look very appealing, and even rational.
• By persisting in prayer - steadfast, always talking with God, open communication, always listening for His voice.
• By blessing those who persecute us - those who are mean to us, or harm us in some way. Be kind to them. Pray for them. Show them grace and mercy and love. Trust God to deal with them.

May your life be a living sacrifice, day-by-day, offered to God in praise and thanksgiving.

The Book that Didn't Get Written

 "This Ain't Heaven But We'd Like it to Be" is the title of a book we've been thinking about writing for years (decades actually) but we've never gotten around to it. The idea got started as we would travel for vacations and stay in cool, beautiful places - or even just drive through them - and we'd always say "Oh man, wouldn't it be great if we could live here." (The funny thing about that is, at that time we were living in a beautiful area in the Southern California coastal hills about 12 miles from Malibu beach! What were we thinking?!)

As we began to think more about that concept - of always thinking that there's something better out there - we realized that we all have a lot of "If only..."s in our lives. As human beings, we often find ourselves thinking that life would be great if only we had...

• A spouse (or a better spouse)
• A home that we owned
• Kids
• A better job
• More money
• A home at the beach or in the mountains or...
• The perfect church
• A skinnier body
• A healthy body
• Nicer clothes

For years we've thought about this problem that we all seem to have. We can be very stable, happy people, who enjoy the life that we have; thankful for the life that we have. But there's still something inside us that thinks, "But what if we had..." A seed of discontent. A longing for something more. Something different. Something better.

Years ago we decided that what we were really talking about, and what was at the bottom of that longing for something more or different or better, was actually a longing for heaven. A perfect world, with God, like He intended from the beginning. That's the world human beings were created for. But we messed it up along the way, and we messed ourselves up along the way. And now there's something within each one of us, whether we believe in God or not, that longs for that perfect world, often without even realizing that's what we're really longing for. 

I'm thinking about this topic now (and that book we haven't written yet) because as I'm writing this it's the beginning of 2023 and I spent some time on January 1 just listening to God and talking to Him about some things I have been longing for over the past couple years. And this morning I realized that though in the past I've thought of this longing in terms of worldly things that we long for that are actually a longing for heaven, this time for me the longing had to do with relationships. And as I was talking to a friend on the phone about what I had gleaned from God as I spent that time with Him, I realized that this longing for relationships - for significant community - is also actually a longing for heaven.

Throughout our entire adult life, Dave and I have been involved with three consecutive churches where he was the Lead Pastor: twenty-five years in Agoura Hills, seven years in Phoenix, and then eleven years in the Bay Area. At each of those churches we had a ready-made group of people to build community with. And I don't just mean going to church for an hour on Sunday morning or joining a Sunday School group. We enjoyed a special bond with everyone in those churches, but in each church we also had smaller groups of people that we lived life with. We ate together, and played together, and raised kids together, and worshipped together, and went on vacations together, and prayed together, and cried together... 

Two years ago, after 40+ years of being a Lead Pastor, Dave transitioned into the next phase of his ministry life. He passed his Lead Pastor position at Bridges on to a young pastor and his wife who we had grown to love and respect while he was on staff with us and who was also one of the teaching pastors with Dave. Dan & Beth & the boys became the next generation, in the Bay Area, of what Dave & Bernice & the kids had been in Agoura. We were (and still are!) so excited to see what God has ahead for them. And for us as we began following God's leading into His ministry plan for us as we moved to a new town where we could be near our three kids and their families.

Dave is now on part-time staff with Venture Church Network as their Director of Church Health. God is using Him to help churches and pastors and elder boards all over Northern California who are in times of transition or trouble. God is using all Dave's years of experience in some very cool ways, And it's right where God wants him to be for now. 

But... now that Dave is no longer on staff at a church, that "instant community" is no longer there. We moved out of the Bay Area to a small town in Central California where all three of our kids and their families live, so we have instant community with all of them, which is awesome! We love it! But when it comes to community with other believers, I'm having a tough time with that. I really miss the intimate friendships that we've always had before. The small groups of people that we lived life with. I continue to pray a lot that God would bring those people - whoever they are - into my life here in Merced. But in the meantime, I've been longing for what I don't have right now. And I realize now that the longing for deep relationships is another longing for heaven.

When we get to heaven, or when Jesus comes to reign on this planet (whichever comes first!), and when God creates the new earth for us to live in with Him forever, and we have glorified bodies and sanctified souls, we will have perfect relationships with each other and with God. All of our relationships will be deep and meaningful and full of love. We will have the most incredible times of worship together. We will come before God together in awe and wonder and praise. We will accomplish whatever tasks God puts before us together. It's going to be awesome. It's what we were created for!

But in the meantime, we long for even just a portion of what we will experience then. 

If you are a follower of Jesus and you have a group of other believers that you are living life with at a deep level (not just an hour on Sunday morning or Tuesday night or...), cherish those relationships. Invest time and energy and even money into them. Together, you are the church! That's what the body of Christ is all about. Eat together. Pray together. Share what God is teaching you from His Word. Worship together. Take communion together. Hold each other accountable for walking worthy. Laugh together. Cry together. Minister together to those around you who are in need. Be the body of Christ - the Church - together.

If you don't have that type of community with other believers but are longing for it, like I am, pray that God will lead you to those people. That He will bring them into your life. (And don't be surprised if it's not the people you would have expected. Look at the random group of people that God brought together to be His disciples!) Don't let sitting in a building for an hour on Sunday morning be enough. 

I'm still in process with this new phase of our lives and with this search for community, so I can't give you a list of things to do to make it happen. I wish I could because I'm definitely a list person. But I'm trusting that, as we wait for that perfect world that is ahead, God will lead us into deep relationships with other believers that we can live life together with as the body of Christ.

Blind Spots

I’m usually a very organized, perceptive person. I can see the big picture and also details. But there was one very trivial event in my past that comes to mind every now and then to remind me that we all have blind spots. Things we just don’t see until something comes along that opens our eyes, and then we find it hard to believe that we didn’t see it before.

Ten years ago God moved us from Southern California to Phoenix. When we got there we found a great house and bought it. Selling a house in California and moving to Phoenix is easy. The reverse… not so much. Our house in the desert was even on a golf course since I needed to see grass.

A year after we moved into that new house I discovered that there was another drawer in the kitchen that I had never seen before. A whole year!! I don’t know what led me to pull it open, but when I did, there was a big drawer with nothing in it. And for most of us, finding extra space in our kitchens is priceless. I still can’t figure out how I went a whole year without noticing that empty drawer was there just waiting to be used.

Now in my defense, the kitchen had one of those stove tops that was not above and connected to the oven. It was simply set into the kitchen counter above some cupboards. So the part of the cabinet directly under the stove top looked like one of those fake things they put in front of sinks since there isn’t room for a drawer there. But in this kitchen… there was a drawer there under the stove top!

It’s been ten years since I found that empty drawer. And even now, whenever I find myself thinking that I have something all figured out – that I’ve got all the answers – I remember that drawer. Even though it was a silly insignificant thing, it reminds me that we all have blind spots - things that are totally off our radar until all the sudden we see them, and we wonder how in the world we didn’t see them before.

It reminds me that I need to always be open to growing and learning. And I need to constantly be asking God to help me see what’s true and what’s not. What’s really important and what’s not. Because blind spots happen to all of us. We just don’t know what they are until something comes along that opens our eyes. And it happens with more important things than just an extra kitchen drawer.

So Much to Do, So Little Time

Are you in that wonderful exhausting phase of life when it seems like you’re spending all of your time changing diapers and tying shoes and practicing spelling words and making pb&j sandwiches shaped like dinosaurs & cute little hearts? When Dave & I were there, we heard a song that helped us see past the crazy and reminded us of what was really important. It was written by Paul & Teri Reisser and it’s called “Take the Time.” If necessary, lock yourself in the bathroom for a couple minutes so you can read it!

It’s 9:15 and bedtime took too long once again.

Another kiss, another glass of water, and then

the questions come, the hands hold tight, the eyes are open wide,

and something in me whispers, “Now’s the time.”

“Mommy, why did Muffy die?”

“Daddy, where’s the sun?”

“Are there cats in heaven?”

And, “Why did Jesus come?”

And though a whole day’s dishes wait, and the bills are piled high,

something in me whispers, “Take the time.”

Riding off to Narmia upon a lion’s back,

Chubby fingers close the book and add it to the stack.

“Aslan didn’t kill the witch – Oh dad, why did he die?”

And something in me whispers, “Now’s the time.”

The baseball game’s tomorrow, but so is my interview.

How can I play Scrabble when the income tax is due?

Little faces plead with me to put my work aside,

And something in me whispers, “Take the time.”

Take the time while their minds are open wide.

Take the time while they’re right here by your side.

Teach them now to love the Lord with all their heart and mind.

They’re only home a season – take the time.

Where Did the Years Go?

When your house is filled with infants and toddlers and all that comes with them, it seems like you’ll never be done with dirty diapers and sticky walls and sleepless nights. Older parents with clean quiet houses whose kids are grown and out on their own tell you to enjoy every minute because the time will go by so fast, and you think “Yeah, right.”

Then all the sudden your oldest is putting on his Angry Birds backpack and heading out the door to Kindergarten. How did that happen? He was just a baby and then you turn around and he’s going to school? But you don’t really have time to think about that because there are still diapers to change and forts to build and tea parties to prepare at home with his younger siblings.

Your days and weeks and years begin filling up with homework and sleepovers and class field trips. Birthday parties and soccer practices. Then come the summer camps and band fundraisers. And before you know it you’re riding shotgun in the car, gripping the door handle and biting your lip so you won’t say something stupid, while your baby is learning to drive. And as you’re frantically watching the road, you stop and think “How did this happen?!! Where did all those years go?!”

The day your oldest child comes home from high school and starts talking about colleges they want to visit, it finally hits you. Those old people were right! The years went by so fast. Too fast. And now you’re just a year or two away from having your child head out into the world on their own. One day soon they’ll pack up their stuff and go away to college or move into an apartment, and the days of having your family and your home as the center of their lives will be over.

So then you begin wondering if you’ve done enough to prepare them for life on their own. Did you do a good job of this whole parenting thing? What was God thinking to give you the responsibility for these kids anyway?!

If you’re still back in the middle of the crazy, busy years of raising your children, one of the best things you can do now to help make sure your kids are as ready as possible to head out on their own when that day comes is to give them a sense of belonging.

Any basic Psych class will tell you that one of our primary needs as human beings is to have a sense of belonging. We need to know that we mean something to someone. That there are people who care about us. That we belong somewhere.  And simply sharing the same last name and living in the same house won’t automatically make that happen. You need to find ways to make sure your kids know you are all a team, unique from everyone else in the world, who love each other and are committed to each other for life.

One of the best ways you can do that is to make sure there are a lot of things you as a family “always do.” Things that become family traditions because you do them over and over. Weekly Family Nights or summer camping trips or neighborhood water fights on the Fourth of July. Making the same Christmas cookies every year or building forts under umbrellas on the front porch on rainy days. It doesn’t matter how serious or silly they are. Just do them! And the more the better.

Each one will help bind your family together and create a strong sense of belonging - a museum of memories - which will give your children a huge advantage when they head out into the world on their own. They will have the security of knowing they are loved and that their family will always be an important part of their lives.

Eighteen years. We only get them for eighteen years! And those years go by so fast. Then they head out into the world and their lives will center around other people and other places for the next 60+ years! If that thought freaks you out, take a deep breath and relax. God knew what He was doing when He put your kids into your family. He knows you. He knows them. So simply do your best to make the most of those eighteen years.

Looking Beyond Today

Yesterday I went to see the movie
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 
at an artsy theater in Palo Alto.

Dave was spending the day up in the city at the US Open Golf Tournament. 

I had just dropped Katie off at the San Francisco airport.

(Is there a nickname for that airport? Like LAX... but different letters?

Do people call it SFO? hmmm I don't think I've ever heard anyone call it that.) 

I had been wanting to see the movie
and since it was on the way home from the airport
I decided to just go do it. So I did.
On a Thursday afternoon it was me
and six or seven other people in the theater.
I was the youngest person there.

The movie was really sweet and fun to watch,

though Dave might have taken a bit of a nap
if he had gone with me.

And it was fun watching the ensemble of older,
incredibly talented actors
 like Judi Dench and Maggie Smith.

                                They were awesome.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the movie,

it's about a 20-something guy (Sonny) in India whose family owns an old hotel

that is very run down and hasn't been open for a while.

He tries to open it as a residence for retired people.

So a random group of older folk all end up meeting and living there together.

Sonny's the type of person that puts a positive spin on everything.

No matter what is actually happening or what people are actually seeing,

he tries to convince them to see beyond the present.

Throughout the movie we hear him telling them (with a cool Indian accent),

 "Everything will be all right in the end. And if it is not all right, then it is not the end."

I love that! And as I walked out of the theater I realized

that it's a really good paraphrase of Romans 8:28.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good

to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

That was a great reminder to me.

When something is going on in my life that I don't like so much,

something that I really really wish was different...
whether it's a small thing or a really big thing,

I need to remember that verse. I need to remember that God is in control.

And that this isn't the end of the story yet. I need to remember...

Everything will be all right in the end. And if it isn't all right, then it's not the end.

Heart Capacity

Do you know that feeling when you're almost overwhelmed by

how much you love someone or something?

When you feel so incredibly lucky... blessed ...

that you feel like your heart could burst?

It's often brought on by a person.

But it can even happen when you're looking out at

an incredibly gorgeous sunset over the ocean.

Or when you're hiking up in the mountains and it's so beautiful and magical

that you're pretty sure any minute you might meet up with

one of the elves from Middle Earth. :)

I get that feeling even more often now that I have grand kids.

I know I loved my own kids a lot when they were little

(and I still love them now!)

but there's just something about grand kids.

When I see them

or hold them

or even just see a picture of them

I honestly feel like my heart could burst!

I think when you're a parent

you're responsible for so many things related to your kids

well, everything actually

so there are a lot of other feelings mixed in with that incredible love.

But when you're a grand parent

you just get to love on 'em.

So these are my three incredible grand kids

that regularly expand my heart

close to its bursting point.

This is Camden.

I especially love him.

 

This is Andersen.

I especially love him.

And this is Kayley

our newest little Gudgel.

I especially love her.